Battle Creek, MI-The alarming findings of a 5-year study performed by scientists at the Kellogg Research Institute for Scientific Progress (KRISP) were released today revealing that a large percentage of Americans consume diets that are dangerously deficient in fudge.
"The data is pretty compelling," Chief researcher Ernie Keebler stated from his research facility housed in a magical hollowed out tree. "If something isn't done about this the children of today stand a good chance of being the first generation in modern times to not fully realize the smooth, creamy, delicious goodness of quality fudge."
Based on the findings of the KRISP study, Congress is considering new laws to combat this growing threat. Senator Debbie Stabenow (D-MI) explains "There are a lot of ideas on the table, the two frontrunners of course being fudge fortified cereals and water fudgidation."