Newark, NJ-In an emergency press conference held today in front of the smoking rubble that was Globodyne Cosmetics, the FBI has singled out 1980's sitcom star Gordon Shumway, more popularly known as Alf, as the lead suspect in yet another case of arson at an animal research facility.
"This wreckage you see behind me is just the latest in an unprecedented series of attacks on research labs," Agent Bill Tanner explained. "At first glance, the planning that must have gone into these terrorist acts would seem to have only been possible with a number of highly trained men and women working together in a concerted effort to avoid collateral damage and loss of human life. Perhaps some kind of a PETA supported group of individuals seeking to put an end to animal research, to liberate them if you will."
Not everyone accepts the FBI's conclusion that the diminutive alien from Melmac is to blame for the multiple counts of arson. Fan club president Derek Holloway continues to claim Alf's innocence. "He wouldn't care about lab animals. We are talking about a creature that thinks cats are a delicacy. This is ridiculous!"