Rapid City, SD-In a historic announcement today, an international team of bullies announced that they are very close to completing a full map of the nerd genome.
"Bullies all over the world should appreciate this milestone," team leader Dr. Joey "The Gooch" Edwards explained. "Once we fully understand the genetic building blocks of the nerd, we will be one step closer to understanding geeks, dweebs, goobs and the elusive hyperdweeb. Once that is accomplished, we may finally come to grasp just who we are and why we are here."
Not everyone appreciates the recent advances in bully science, and its social implications, including powerful nerds and goobs like Bill Gates, Dustin Diamond and Alfonso Ribeiro. Gates revealed from his orbiting control center that "This is nothing but more bully propaganda being pushed on the American public under the guise of scientific progress." Ribeiro added that "When fascism comes to America, it will migrate through polyacrylamide gel and give atomic wedgies!"