Kansas City, MO-In an unprecedented move, Hallmark, the United State's largest manufacturer of greeting cards, has purchashed the rights to the human emotion love from the Dow Chemical Company for a staggering 10 billion dollars.
"We felt that owning the rights to such an important aspect of the lives of an ovewhelming majority of American citizens was definitely worth the asking price," Donald J. Hall Jr., current president of the company explained. "Plans are already underway to legally change the name to a more appropriate word, that is once a few minor bumps in the road are smoothed over."
Representing Hallmark in the current legal battle over the company's ownership of love is Daniel Weeb, who may be recognized as the lead attorney in Kevin Federline's failed attempt to purchase rights to the 1991 Gerardo smash hit "Rico Suave". "I Hallmark the opportunity to represent Hallmark in this case, which is essentially meritless."
The current lawsuit involves the claim, by Joel Osteen Ministries, of having ownership of agape love, or asexual spiritual love, for the past several years having won them in a high stakes poker game with Christodoulos, the Archbishop of Athens and All Greece. He is asking for a portion of any profits coming from the use of the human emotion formerly known as love.