Sugar Land, TX-Door-to-door Ginsu knife salesman Matthew Rouse made housewife Rosemary Perkins very uncomfortable today when he mentioned that his samples of the well known brand of cutlery were adept at slicing through human bone.
"He was just so creepy," the visibly shaken Perkins explained. "He kept staring at me with vacant and soulless eyes as he sharpened an 8-inch chef knife repeatedly. He was so cold, so inhuman. He smelled like death."
Fran Carter, Associate Vice-President of Ginsu's parent company Douglas Quikut, stands by Rouse's approach. "It is vital that potential Ginsu customers be aware of the potential safety hazards involved with unsafe use of our knives. They need to know that improper use can lead to some pretty serious injuries.
Rouse, who is returning to the world of door-to-door sales after completing a stint at nearby Fort Bend Coundy Maximum Security Prison for aggravated assault with a Kirby vacuum cleaner, revealed that "I don't know why that old broad got so spooked. I just told her how I could cut through bone, like hers or her families, or her pets. And how I could, you know, do it over and over again if I wanted to do. What's the big deal?"
After discussing the incident with Rouse, Douglas Quikut Vice-President Fran Carter again stated her full support of his technique, saying that "Potential customers also need to know that our quality cutlery never need resharpening. I'm at a loss for why this is being so bandied about in the press. Isn't there a war or something going on?"