Pearland, TX-After a number of unsuccessful attempts at placating 3-year-old Timmy Watkins with a variety of toys, stuffed animals, and even a favorite episode of Dora the Explorer, a spokesperson for the Watkins family has announced this morning that the toddler's tantrum, thought by leading child psychologists to be applesauce related, are likely to continue.
Rhonda Sinclair, Timmy's International Toddler Union (ITU) representative, has been present for the duration of the fit. "My primary responsibility in these matters is to establish, wherever possible, a cooperative and reciprocal relationship between the two parties and to hopefully facilitate the settlement of complaints before they become formal grievances. But ultimately I am looking out for Timmy's best interests. And right now that is applesauce."
Family lawyer "Uncle" Carl Tuminello has been keeping the press updated throughout the conniption. "This could have been avoided folks. My clients entered discussions with Timmy early on in a good faith effort to defuse the situation and Timmy has been unreasonable in his demands. They are not going to budge on this. There will be absolutely no applesauce. The kitchen is closed, end of story."
ITU's Sinclair has made it clear that a strike is a possibility if Timmy is not granted at least a fruit cup. "It's an option we are considering. I don't think it will come down to a strike though. They seem like reasonable people who wouldn't want the guilt of a worldwide toddler meltdown on their conscience."
But the Watkinses don't appear to be concerned. "A strike. They don't have the guts. Look, it's almost naptime, he's been up all morning screaming, and we benadryled his orange juice. This will all be over soon."