Portsmouth, NH-Just prior to spitting onto a customer's hamburger, area teen Lucas Shelby paused for just a moment to wonder about the origin of the universe and the meaningfulness of his existence.
"I was just about to hock a sick loogie in this guy's double bacon burger," Shelby explained. "And it just hit me you know, all at once like. I'm like, just this little speck. And like, my entire life is like not even an instant in geological time. What does it all mean? Why am I here and all that junk, you know. There has to be more to life than working at Arby's."
Dale Shermer, a frequent patron of Arby's and the recipient of the mucus soaked hamburger, was unaware of the significant introspective advance in Shelby's ability to understand the nature of his role in the cosmos. "That's wonderful," he revealed. "It's nice knowing that not all these punk kids think the world revolves around themselves. Wait, he did what?"