Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Local Businesses to Offer Discounts for Federally Protected Witnesses.....

New York-Starting today, New Yorkers lucky enough to be enrolled in the Federal Witness Protection Program will be able to take advantage of some wonderful savings at local businesses.

"I don't know why we didn't think of this sooner," Tony's Pizza owner Tony "Knuckles" Fabiano explained. "These guys are out there putting their lifes on the line. It's the least we could do. So one of these guys could come in to the shop and bam, he'd gets a free pizza made special just for him. And I'll tell you, I really just wanna watch the guy eat that pizza. I wanna watch him eat all of that damn pizza!"

In addition to a number of pizzerias taking part, there are Italian restaurants, gentleman's clubs, trucking companies, and garbage collection agencies adding to the businesses offering substantial savings to federal witnesses. Businessman James "3 Fingers" Rabito revealed that "Yeah, we got somethin special for these guys. Like a trip far away that they might never come back from if you know what I mean. Maybe cause they wanted to spend some time with the fishes or something. I hear Acapulco is nice this time of year."


Chrysalis Angel said...

You just are so silly. I was warding off a headache and instead of laying down in a dark room, I started to read your blog. Laughter is a healing thing.:)

Anonymous said...

This subject is interesting because many of those federally protected rats end up in Arkansas where they try to set up innocent persons when these rats get new charges. They spend their life avoiding prison at others' expenses. What is interesting is how Arkansans do not see bothered when they learn that this gutter trash lives in our neighborhoods. In NY, they would suffer fromk premature deaths. Joseph Ardino/Marino/new name from Buffalo was moved to Jacksonville, Arkansas after testifying against Ernie Holley, whom was sentenced to federal prison as a result. Joe was kicked out of the feds protection program when he received new felony charges in Arkansas. To date, he has been coddled despite his low-life behavior. I am sure that Mr. Holley understands the humor of it.