Nashville, TN-As the economy struggles to absorb the impact of increasing numbers of foreclosures, resulting from slumping sales and plummeting prices of homes across the nation, analysts are just now beginning to see a rise in the number of subprime adoptions going into default as well.
"I can't believe this is happening to me," Dan Gergles, a Nashville native whose 15-month old adopted son Trevor was recently auctioned on the Davidson County courthouse steps, explained. "I didn't even realize that my son was a subprime adoption. I mean, if a 24-year-old college drop-out making $7,000 dollars a year delivering pizzas can't obtain a quality adoption in this country who can? Bill Gates? Madonna?"
I asked financial advisor, cult leader, and radio talk show host Deek Rimley, whose Church of Monetary Placidity is located in nearby Franklin, Tennessee, about subprime adoptions.
According to Deek, subprime adoptions have higher rates than equivalent prime adoptions, and they're frequently given to folks who shouldn't be adopting in the first place. These adoptions often have a prepayment penalty, balloon payment, or an adjustable rate, but people are drawn to them though because they often have low initial payments. A sturdily constructed child with no concerning history of maternal drug abuse, congenital malformations, or developmental delays is very hard to pass up for a lot of people.
Deek's advice is pretty simple: If you're being offered a subprime adoption, there is a decent chance you just aren't ready to become a parent, at least not of a quality child with no obvious defects or deformities, and without a severe attachment disorder.
If you are in debt, have a poor credit score, or a history of anger management issues, you probably aren't ready. Perhaps you are better off waiting to get settled financially, and psychologically, before taking on being a full-time parent. But if you are determined to adopt, there are options that won't leave you stuck with a subprime adoption.
1. Try adopting the natural way, by impregnating, or being impregnated by, a stranger during a one night stand. If you play your cards right, and take enough incriminating photos while they are under the influence of any one of a number of drugs that can be easily disolved into their cocktail, you may even be able to avoid the hassle of a lengthy custody trial.
2. Adopt an irregular infant or toddler. Who says that children have to be perfect, to be perfect for you? There are literally millions of children in the world with chronic diseases, missing limbs, and sociopathic personality disorders that disqualify them from being adopted by more financially secure families.
3. Many agencies are perfectly willing to work with you financially without resorting to a subprime adoption. Often you'll find that paying cash up front for a child will lead to substantially reduced prices, and some agencies may even take trade-ins. If you don't ask you'll never know, so don't be shy.
4. Consider renting to own, a fantastic way to obtain a child without taking on debt. Rent to own stores won't even ask for a down payment and the child can be returned at any time without penalty. And many transactions will include an early buyout clause that could come in handy should you win the lottery or find a bag of money just lying around.
5. Lots of people have more children than they need, and it isn't fair now is it. Just take one. But be sure to leave a note explaining how badly you want a child, and what a good parent you will be. And remind them of how many children they have left and how perhaps they should stop being so selfish.