Manhasset, New York-With the holidays now over, the long-running War on Christmas that has been raging between those pushing the secular agenda here in America, primarily atheists and communists, and moral Christians, is finally showing signs of abating.
The first week of January has, over the years since the fighting began, been a time of regrouping and rethinking strategies. Civilians across the United States are able to shop at businesses such as Wal-Mart and JoAnn Fabrics without fear of being gunned down for uttering the wrong greeting at passersby. And these same businesses are able to emerge from under the grim shadow of open and deadly warfare, no longer at risk of being bombed for selling Christmas Trees as opposed to Holiday Firs.
"I for one was very pleased to hear the latest numbers," Fox News host Bill O'Reilly explained. "Casualties are down by almost 50% since December 25th, which typically is the bloodiest day of the year on the front lines. I certainly don't want more people to lose their lives than is absolutely necessary in this conflict, but it doesn't change the fact that if the secular commandos gain the upper hand and force religion out of our government buildings, public schools, and national parks, then it is only a matter of time before programs like legalization of narcotics, euthanasia, abortion at will, gay marriage, and non-missionary position intercourse overtake this once great Christian nation."
General Tom Flynn, leader of the secular military forces is looking forward to a lengthy lull in combat maneuvers. "Yeah, a lot of us have jobs that we have to get back to. But look for big things to start up around Thanksgiving. I can't say too much right now because it is all very hush hush, but let's just say that Operation Grinch is going to put an end to all of this unpleasantness."