Fort Worth, TX-Spurred by the results of a recently completed study on the side effects of a popular form of emergency contraception, researchers from the Fort Worth based Scientists for Sound Contraception Science(SSCS) held an emergency press conference today to reveal the suprising findings, and to warn consumers.
The study, which showed an increased risk of a variety of side effects ranging from blood clots to cancer, as well as deformed babies and eternal damnation for the senseless taking of innocent life, has led to a number of scientific organization other than the SSCS to speak out against the murder pills, which act by forming an impenetrable barrier between an unimplanted embryo and the loving grace of God, leading the then soulless blastocyst to simply fade away into oblivion.
"For women that choose to use contraceptives, it is important that they thoroughly discuss the potential risks with their health care providers," SSCS founder Martha Wernicke explained. "But understanding that, in addition to nausea, abdominal pain, fatigue, headache, menstrual changes, dizziness, breast tenderness, vomiting, and diarrhea, each use increases a women's risk of burning in the neverending pit of despair by 35-60% is pivotal in changing the casual attitude many Americans take towards baby killing."
The FDA, which has stated that it believes the product to be a safe and effective method of contraception in most instances, has yet to comment on the new findings. "That's not suprising considering their track record for ignoring such concerns in the past," Wernicke revealed. "They support the use of condoms, which legitimate science long ago discarded as leaky sieves which actually increase the risk of acquiring sexually transmitted diseases, so take what they say with a grain of salt."