Canberra, Australia-Australian authorities announced today that a detachment of highly-trained anti-kangaroo special forces were successful in their campaign to wipe out a gathering of roughly 400 of the animals on the outskirts of Canberra, although casualties were higher than expected.
"Once negotiations fell apart, and non-lethal methods of dispersing the crowd of suspicious marsupials met with considerable resistance, we had no choice but to unleash hell," General Zane Yabsley, Chief of the Anti-Kangaroo Defense Force, explained. "If only we had realized earlier the folly of engaging the vicious macropods in close quarters combat, we could have avoided the loss of so many young lives in the ensuing melee."
One of the least among the combatants would become the true hero of the battle when Private Fred "Digger" Macpherson discovered the kangaroos' weakness against military artillery. "When I noticed that a well placed M107 155mm high explosive shell from one of the M198 Howitzers would take out every one of the hopping bastards in a 50 meter radius, I knew that the day would be ours despite their superior boxing skills."