I expected to meet a man who wasn't afraid to go for the jugular of the modern medical-industrial complex, and I wasn't disappointed. What I never expected was for him to reveal so many intimate details about his childhood, his unexpected brush with death early in life and his motivation for bringing what he considers to be the truth about health to the world. Love him or hate him, after this interview you will.
KN: Hello Mr. Rangler, thank you for sitting down with me. I like to start off all of my interviews with a quote from the French poet Gerard McFrench:
"Life is to be lived. Death, to be dealt. My heart is a home for empty dreams. Thus speaks the raven."What does that mean to you?
MR: That's beautiful. I guess it means that medical doctors deal death and I'm the raven that speaks truth. And maybe I'm also the empty heart.
KN: Is your heart empty, Mr. Rangler?
MR: It used to be. Now it's full of rage and the desire to educate folks about natural remedies. Like using Mexican Honey Wasp saliva for vitiligo.
KN: Why do you struggle against such great odds? Do you truly believe that you can change the status quo of healthcare being dictated by scientific hegemony? What can one man really do?
MR: Why do I struggle to bring folks the truth? Because I've been there, seen the light and emerged transformed. Like when a caterpillar weaves his web and, as he has for thousands of years, emerges as a small bird or a maybe a bat.
When I was a young boy of maybe around ten or eleven years, I looked death in the face. I was right there on the edge, man. I was a strong boy, and full of vim and vigor, but one day all that changed in the blink of an eye. My nose, it was like, like I couldn't breathe through it. Just completely blocked up with some sort of, I don't know what it was. Some kind of mucous? My throat was scratchy, making it uncomfortable to swallow food. Then the fevers came. And I had a mild headache, as I recall.
My poor mother, she didn't know any better. She gave me drugs and they masked the symptoms for a time but the effects wore off. We were sheep just like most people back then and after I hadn't improved for a day or two we ran to the doctor, literally ran to the doctor because we had sold our car to buy soap and cheese for Christmas. The doctor just laughed, laughed right in my face. He sent me home to die.
That's when I began to research natural cures. Cures like seahorse semen to prevent age related macular degeneration. I read every book I could get my hands on, and even some I couldn't. I listened to radio programs about herbal remedies. I attended classes and seminars, often at the same time. Months went by and I realized I hadn't died. I took that as an omen, a sign that I was on the right path.
I redoubled my efforts, eventually becoming certified in Nutritionology and Clinical Herbology. I achieved mastery and began to improve upon what I had learned. I began to devise my own remedies. Like the tears of a newborn elk for childhood amnesia. And more importantly I began to tell others about what I had learned.
KN: The Health Patrol was born.
MR: That's right. I started The Health Patrol to help educate the world about cures for suffering and disease that can be found in the natural world, like the earwax of an albino wallaby for chronic sleep incontinence, not in the synthetic chemicals forged in a Big Pharma laboratory.
KN: What do you think about high profile health advocates like Dr. Mehmet Oz and Deepak Chopra?
MR: Fatheads. You can write that down Knudsen!
KN: Now these are highly respected physicians. Millions of people watch them on television and read their books for some reason. Fatheads?
MR: I don't care if they walked on the moon and had tea with Mamie Van Doren! Fatheads. They wouldn't know a true natural cure from just a random plant or animal secretion paired with an equally random ailment! Like the clean caught midstream urine of a golden lion tamarin for atrial fibrillation.
KN: That's a fair point. So what's next for Mitch Rangler and The Health Patrol?
MR: Well, I've pretty much taken over the internet. I'm on Twitter. I've got a post office box, it's just down the street. So that's happening.
KN: That's fantastic. Well, thank you so much for taking the time to answer these questions Mr. Rangler. I truly do wish you the best of luck on your quest to bring all natural health cures to the world!