Belvidere, NE-During a night of drinking with friends, Belividere corn farmer and frequent alien abductee Durnk Philpot revealed his suspicion that aliens are abducting and anally probing another farmer behind his back.
"Looking back, the signs have been there for a while," Philpot explained to best friend Trip Lewis. "It started when I began finding mutilated cows on Maynard Jones's sorghum farm, and then came the crop circles. He tried to act like he didn't know anything about them but I could tell he was hiding something. I can't believe it, a sorghum farmer."
Despite attempts at reassurance, Philpot refused to admit that he might be misinterpreting easily explainable phenomena. "Well why won't they return any of my 1,000 MHz to 3,000 MHz microwave signals? Answer that why don't you!"