Are you one of the 15% of Americans intolerant to gluten, a protein inserted into wheat, rye and barley by Nazi scientists and Monsanto?
Do you suffer from one of the over 55 diseases linked to this killer protein? Diseases like gas, childhood constipation and Mad Cow Disease?
Have you been ostracized in your community, abandoned by friends and family, or fired from your job because of brain fog or adrenal fatigue?
Do you sometimes feel off balance or dizzy? Do you have occasional headaches or multiple sclerosis? Have you been diagnosed with dental pruritis, piloalgia, or fecal luminescence?
Have you eliminated gluten from your diet without improvement in your symptoms?
Are there environmental sources of gluten other than your diet?
|A 2001 study found that standard house cats contain as much gluten as a loaf of french bread!|
The answer is yes!
Eliminating gluten entirely from the diet is crucial in combating gluten intolerance, but did you know that some house cats are also a source of gluten? Thankfully, researchers at Globodyne Industries have developed a process which removes all traces of the deadly protein from your feline companion. But how do you know if your cat contains gluten?
The single best way to determine if your cat is a gluten carrier is to cut all ties with the animal for at least 2-3 weeks and then slowly reintroduce it into the home. After this washout period, simply release your cat from its patented Globodyne Feline Gluten Containment Unit for gradually increasing lengths of time over several months to a year. Do not forget to feed your cat and provide fresh gluten free water.
Keep a detailed dream journal in order to scientifically determine if you felt better while your cat was contained, and if symptoms returned after its release. Remember, in order for this test to work you must achieve complete separation from the animal. Not even eye contact is allowed because gluten was discovered in 2011 to have evolved into a collective intelligence by the action of millions of decentralized self-organizing individual proteins.
|The Globodyne Feline Gluten Containment Unit works using reverse ionic vibrational equilibrium and a fluffy ball on the end of a string|
Still not convinced?
In 1998, 5-year-old Timmy Sweetchild died from a severe case of electromagnetic hypersensitivity after exposure to massive levels of wifi emitted by Scamps, the family's Havanese puppy. Globodyne already had a canine wifi eliminator on the market but Mr. and Mrs. Sweetchild chose to ignore our warnings. Are you prepared to let your loved ones die?
|The adorable Scamps, mere moments before being put down for emitting lethal amounts of wifi|