Do you wan't to know what's wrong with this country? Well, do you? It's science. I haven't met a scientist yet that knows his rear exit from a hole in the ground. Every time somebody discovers something even remotely true, there is some skeptical scientist in the news talking about how we are all just confused. I may be in my Autumn years, and have a touch of dementia, but I'm not confused!
I'M NOT CONFUSED!
Got a cure for cancer? Spontaneous remission they say. New treatment for multiple sclerosis? Regression to the mean according to fathead egghead ivory tower skeptics. If it were up to them, we'd only rely on science and double blinded placebo controlled research to tell us how to put our pants on. That's awful convenient considering that's how they make their millions. I don't need some guy in a lab coat with a degree from Johns Hopkins to tell me it's pants first, then shoes!
YOU WOULDN'T PUT ON YOUR SHOES BEFORE YOUR PANTS, WOULD YOU?
Skeptics are always talking about logical fallacies and errors in thinking, as if they are the only who know how to use their common sense to figure out what makes this world tick. If they took their eyes off of the chemistry experiment or the microscope for half a minute, they might see that nature is all around us, even in particles too small to see with the naked eye and in the interactions and transformations of atoms and molecules. And nature knows more about our bodies and our health than every textbook and PowerPoint presentation ever written!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND POWERPOINT!
A million years ago everyone had universal healthcare. It was called nature. Today, people argue about access to synthetic chemicals that are abominations concocted by hypernational transglomerations. Humans weren't meant to understand and control nature by twisting it into a ghastly caricature of its true self. But there is a solution!
What is Nutritionology? That's a question I get asked from a lot of people I meet on the street or during my weekly water aerobics class at my neighborhood JCC. The answer is simple but it took me decades of intense apprenticeship under some of the finest European minds in Nutritionology. And I want to share my knowledge with you.
I APPRENTICED IN EUROPE!
The funny thing about Nutritionology is that to anyone who didn't train under the guidance of pioneers like Geert Lewinsky or Marvish Sincloid, it looks simple. Sure, it may seem like a fully apprenticed Nutritionologist merely combines random plant and animal parts with an equally random medical condition or symptoms but that is just the first step. The second and most important step is taking the first step on the path to true health!
If you have questions about Nutritionology, write them on a self-addressed stamped envelope and send to Mitch Rangler at @TheHealthPatrol. You can also sign up for his newsletter which he will write and mail out once he has access to the mimeograph in the basement.
I'm an old school reporter whose days of scoring double trucks are well behind him. But that doesn't mean I don't know a good story when I see one. I've worked for small town rags and big city broadsheets and everything in between.