Tuesday, June 2, 2015

MicrobiYumz! for Toddlers.....

MicrobiYumz! for Toddlers
The Only Microbiome Support Supplement Formulated Just For Toddlers!

Two toddlers with balanced microbiomes and one complete asshole.
Did you know that over 70% of toddlers have an unbalanced microbiome? Or that an unbalanced microbiome can affect how well a child's brain and immune system is functioning? Scientific studies performed near Europe have shown that replenishing the body with friendly bacteria in the right ratio can improve intestinal health, restore mental function, and accelerate development by over a quartile. Until now parents have had to rely on products that weren't designed for young children.

Early childhood is a unique period of transition from infancy into school age. Their bodies are going through a lot of changes. It's like a cosmic joke at your expense! You wouldn't let a 2-year-old vote or join the Merchant Marine, right? So why would you attempt to reconstitute their microbiome with adult yogurts or vaginal swabs?

MicrobiYumz! for Toddlers
Put Down That Vaginal Swab!

Young humanoid cultivars, shown here just prior to being harvested for their highly plastic nervous tissue, running through a field of grass on a sunny day.
MicrobiYumz! for Toddlers is the first and only microbiome support supplement designed specifically with the toddler's unique intestinal environment and integumentary system in mind. It works with your child's body, not against it. And it has never been conclusively proven to cause life-threatening respiratory infections, so they can continue to breath room air without feeling like their trachea is coated in a mixture of hot candle wax and broken glass, for reals! But what is the microbiome, I ask in an attempt smoothly segue into the next paragraph?

The microbiome isn't a really small desert or other ecosystem defined by its climate, geology, and inhabiting species. I'm just using language with humorous intention so that you feel comfortable around me and trust what I have to say. At least one expert somewhere will probably tell you that the microbiome is as unique as your fingerprint. It IS you! Unfortunately, because of environmental assaults on our bodies by antibiotics and other chemicals, many young children have unbalanced and unhealthy microbiomes and will eventually die.

So what can you expect after your child starts taking MicrobiYumz! for Toddlers?

1. Voluntary control over the evacuation of stool and urine from the body
2. Increased energy or more periods of quiet and calm if that's what you'd prefer
3. Improved language acquisition and increasing vocabulary
4. Fewer diaper rashes and lower risk of future obesity
5. Increased popularity at the playground and/or cooperative daycare center
6. Greater autonomy, less self-doubt, and decreased chance of developing an allergic or autoimmune disorder
7. Fewer colds and other viral infections, particularly in the Summer
8. Better balance and motor skills
9. More interest in interactive play with other children
10. Flight, super strength, or the ability to pass through solid objects

So what are you waiting for? Don't you want your child to have a chance at a successful future? Parents who love their children want what's best for them! 

Popular children's entertainer DJ Yip Yap, shown here mere moments before losing both his thumbs to an adult female howler monkey.

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