Thursday, March 31, 2016

Integrative Therapy Cat Brings Reiki to Those Most in Need.....

Belvidere, NE- Although the Pope has declared that only baptized heterosexual dogs that have accepted Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior have a place in Heaven, he may soon change his subjectively determined opinion after learning about 9-year-old tortoiseshell cat Gloria King, a Reiki therapy animal at Shady Acres Post-Productivity Citizen Storage Facility 37-C.

Reiki practitioner Gloria King
"She may not be going to Heaven, but she certainly came from there," coherent old man and Shady Acres resident Mitch Rangler explained. "I love that cat more than anything, even my fading memories of that time I met Mamie Van Doren. Now that was a handsome woman. A handsome woman. Excuse me, but I seem to have soiled myself, would you please call the nurse?"

Gloria King, a former stray and the first cat to have achieved the distinction of being a Level 7 Reiki Grand Master, was entirely self-taught, leading some in the Reiki community to believe that she may be the chosen one prophesied in the Tome of the Ancients. Her unique gift was discovered, seemingly on accident one day, when she was found in the bushes in front of the facility soon after Maynard Hanson had remarked that his crippling arthritis "seemed a mite better." She has lived at Shady Acres every since, and has even taken on duties as Social Director.

"There is definitely something going on that I can't explain," Mort Fishman MD, a conventional medical geriatrician that makes rounds at the facility every Tuesday, allowed. "Somehow it just seems to know when one of these old geezers is about to kick the bucket. Gloria King? I thought we were talking about the cat that senses death. Sorry, he was just here on a national tour."

This miraculous feline may not be able to predict when one of the Shady Acres residents is about to die, but she does seem to know exactly who needs her most that day. In fact, the nurses are all like, "How did Gloria King know that Mrs. Ashmore was up all night vomiting tapioca and glazed ham?" Seriously, everyone is like, "How does she know?"

Reiki, an ancient technique that involves the channeling of healing energy through touch from practitioner to patient in order to activate innate restorative processes, appears to be well suited to cats. Gloria King, who is blind and paralyzed since being accidentally crushed under the wheels of a Little Rascal mobility scooter in 2013, loves to lay in a resident's lap for hours on end. But it doesn't take much time with Gloria King to see that beneath those knowing milky white eyes she is doing God's work.

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