Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Integrative Baby Monitor Combines the Best of Conventional and Alternative Features.....

Portland, OR- Hoping to ease the burden of nervous parents, Globodyne Industries has developed the OptiHover Integrative Baby Monitor, the first baby monitor to combine the best of conventional and alternative features.

The OptiHover from Globodyne Industries could have prevented this baby's death from stagnant chi and multiple spinal subluxations

"Raising a human infant can be pretty scary," Globodyne Science Officer and medical school graduate Mort Fishman, MD explained. "When parents bring a baby home from the hospital, birthing center, or dolphin-assisted delivery paddock, they face many nights of fear and anxiety over the future returns on their precious social capital investment. They also don't want the baby to die."

In addition to traditional features, such as audio and video feeds, the OptiHover will also be able to detect movement and transmit oxygen saturation and pulse rate data to the caregiver's smartphone or tablet device. According to Fishman, Globodyne researchers didn't limit the functionality to the boundaries of methodological or even metaphysical naturalism. "Today's parents want more than just biophysical statistics. They realize that their baby isn't just some number on a spreadsheet. The OptiHover also includes a variety of holistic options such as meridian patency and aura strength. The OptiHover Deluxe will even ward off evil spirits."