Friday, March 17, 2017

Area Middle School Student Council President Signs Executive Order to Investigate Cootie Shot Safety.....

Spearfish, SD- Spearfish Middle School student council president Chance Tater, keeping a promise made during a contentious campaign last Fall, has signed an executive order establishing a Cootie Shot Safety Commission.

President Tater, shown here wearing a dress shirt, tie, khaki cargo shorts and sandals with socks to prom.

"I have had concerns regarding the safety of the cootie shot for years," Tater, an 8th grade student who loves playing basketball and hopes to see a girls boob at camp over the Summer, explained during 3rd period Social Studies. "I had two friends who totally changed after getting a booster at recess during 6th grade orientation. I couldn't hang out with them anymore. And one of them had a pool at their house!"

Tater further announced during an emergency recess press conference held in the cafeteria today that he would be putting school food service assistant Carl, a 62-year-old lifelong Spearfish resident and three-time alien abductee, in charge of the commission. Carl, who has questioned the need for a cootie shot in past, offered an award to any student who could prove beyond even the slightest doubt that the cootie shot is completely safe. "If they can do it, I'll let them into the cafeteria storage room for fifteen minutes, alone, and no questions asked."

Not everyone at Spearfish Middle is pleased with the president's agenda. Principle Don Lyon, a firm believer in the safety, efficacy, and need for the cootie shot, remembers a time when cooties was rampant among the student population. "I normally wouldn't interfere with student politics. They need to learn. But this is the same guy who accused the guidance counselor of leaking his transcript to the Spearfish Student Gazette. Let's just say that President Tater should get used to being in the 8th grade."