Heaven-After a string of high publicity public relations disasters, Almighty Creator of the universe and benevolent Father of mankind God has turned to Albuquerque life coach Mitchum Vaughn for help in getting back on track.
"I've been keeping up with the news so I wasn't too suprised when our Lord and Savior came to me for help," Vaughn explained. "Just the recent cyclone in Bangladesh alone would cause self-esteem issues in any Supreme Being whose lack of focus and follow-through had caused it. He may be the all-powerful Sustainer of All Things but that doesn't mean He wouldn't benefit from some brutal honesty every once in a while."
God, who has been criticized by some for allowing evil to exist, plans to start small and build up to answering more complicated prayers. "Well, I don't want to give away too much but that quarter inch of rain Georgia got last week was me. Oh, and college football is about to get a lot more interesting."
Vaughn, who has decided to focus entirely on God for the time being, did express some concern about his aggressive prayer answering strategy. "Sure, if you regrow a few limbs the numbers will look good for a while. But if the Big Guy overdoes it He might lose that whole "God works in mysterious ways" angle that's been working so well for so many years."
I think it's a scam. It's not like he can't get that coach guy to say or do whatever he wants. There's another angle. You're the reporter: keep digging. Hang around Albuquerque (if god were serious, he could start by re-spelling that city. Albikerky), there's going to be a burning bush in that guy's back yard, ten to one.
ReplyDeleteI think that this is just the beginning of an elaborate advertising campaign for the upcoming release of "Mitchum Almighty", the heartwarming tale of an idealistic life coach who needs a little help from you know who to realize that indoctrination of fairy tales from an early age is much more effective, and easier, than trying to teach adults how to think critically.
ReplyDeleteHey Zoo, maybe you should start a blog for kids.
Zoo... as an adult who is now trying to learn how to think critically, I just have to say that I loved your post!!
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