Evansville, IN-In an emergency press conference, held today in the basement of Maynard's Shop 'N Go, Ivy Tech Community College researchers announced the results of their ten-year study which links the rise in childhood obesity with larger ass grooves.
"We spent countless hours following the evolution of ass grooves left by thousands of children over the past decade," lead researcher Matt Simpson explained. "There is a pretty dramatic correlation between increasing obesity and couch indentations that are larger in both width and depth."
Critics of the study, such as outspoken obesity epidemic skeptic Cindy Crawzs, BSN, RN, CCP, are urging caution and warning that correlation does not necessarily equal causation. "The methodology in this study is so flawed it is impossible to tell if obesity leads to larger ass grooves or if the ass grooves are somehow an etiological factor in obesity."
I'd think a reporter of your stature would refrain from such colloquialism, and use the proper term, which, as I'm sure you know, is "butt crack."
ReplyDeleteDr. Schwab, I think you misunderstood the study, which was about the increasing volume of the size of the indentations found in chairs and couches, particularly leather ones, made by prolonged episodes of sitting. I believe it was Homer Simpson who said, "Don't sit in my ass groove! You'll mess it up." Well, it was either him or Nietzsche. I forget.
ReplyDeleteNietzsche, dewd, it was Nietzsche.
ReplyDeleteyours truly,
anonymous couch potato