Study Shows American Diets Deficient in Fudge.....

Battle Creek, MI-The alarming findings of a 5-year study performed by scientists at the Kellogg Research Institute for Scientific Progress (KRISP) were released today revealing that a large percentage of Americans consume diets that are dangerously deficient in fudge.

"The data is pretty compelling," Chief researcher Ernie Keebler stated from his research facility housed in a magical hollowed out tree. "If something isn't done about this the children of today stand a good chance of being the first generation in modern times to not fully realize the smooth, creamy, delicious goodness of quality fudge."

A fudge distribution line in Swaziland

Based on the findings of the KRISP study, Congress is considering new laws to combat this growing threat. Senator Debbie Stabenow (D-MI) explains "We are finding fudge levels in some regions that are typically only seen in third world countries. There are a lot of good ideas on the table, but the two front runners are fudge fortified cereals and water fudgidation."