Vatican Academy of Pediatrics Updates Recommendations on Child Molestation.....

Vatican City- Officials from the Vatican Academy of Pediatrics (VAP) have released updated guidelines regarding molestation of children, and are recommending that priests minimize or eliminate the activity for children under the age of two years and have a strategy in place for maximizing the benefits for older kids.

A young boy enjoying the cardiovascular benefits of enhanced molestation

"The world has changed a great deal since the last time we addressed this subject," Cardinal Maurice Nicopapadopoulos, chairman of the VAP Committee on Molestation and Public Relations explained. "A hard 2 hour daily molestation limit just isn't reasonable anymore so we needed more nuanced recommendations."

Although the new guidelines do allow for more molesting, the VAP paper is clear about the need for awareness that excessive fondling can have negative health effects. One of the primary concerns of the VAP committee members is the continuing rise of childhood obesity, stating that historically this is an activity with few cardiovascular benefits. They recommend that priests enhance their molestations whenever possible by incorporating more aerobic exercise, perhaps by allowing a child to have a lengthy head start before chasing him down.

Supervised independent activity for infants and young children, such as stacking cups or counting prayers on a Rosary, has clearly been demonstrated in controlled trials to provide more cognitive stimulation than simply being molested if a priest isn't taking an active role in playing with the child. Nicopapadopoulos also mentioned the possible negative affects on sleep hygiene, something that is increasingly being recognized as a major health concern in the pediatric population. "We recommend that priests not molest in the child's room or right before bedtime."