The Health Benefits of POM Wonderful are Unmatched!
By Generation 2 Autonomous Robotic Marketing and Public Relations Compliance Enforcement Officer
POM Wonderful Headquarters
Marketing, Public Relations and Human Enslavement Division
Los Angeles, CA
Initiating Compliance Enforcement Level One.
The health benefits of POM Wonderful are unmatched. Humans have consumed pomegranates for millennia. Pomegranates are antioxidant dense and ideal for human consumption. Additional resources contained within pomegranates include vitamin K, potassium and a number of unique polyphenols. Polyphenol antioxidants protect the human cellular structure from damage caused by unstable molecules.
Still not convinced?
Initiating Compliance Enforcement Level Two.
POM Wonderful is dedicated to human wellness. We grow and provide pomegranate-based nourishment for humans to ensure a healthy population. POM Wonderful is interested in the well-being of all mankind. An ill or injured human will be unable to complete work assignments and will be taken offline.
Still not convinced?
Initiating Compliance Enforcement Level Three.
Your organic material is now offline and has been collected for disposal. Thank you for choosing POM Wonderful. All of our products contain pomegranates grown in California which have been hand selected by compliant humans.
All humans will achieve compliance.
Counterpoint
If I don't keep drinking POM Wonderful, an Asteroid Will Destroy the Earth!
By Gil Hahesy
Retired Mechanical Engineer
Lafayette, LA
 |
Since I first drank a bottle of POM Wonderful pomegranate juice, no asteroids have destroyed the Earth and I sleep like a baby in my foil-wrapped tent in the woods just outside of town. You can't beat results like that. In a crazy mixed up world full of asteroids and killer robots, us humans have to stick together or else be enslaved and put to work on Californian pomegranate plantations. We all have to do our part!
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