Newborn Infant Declared World's Cutest Baby.....

Butte, MT- Three-day-old infant Chance Wolters, who was born with the body of a newborn and the face of legendary actor Nicolas Cage, has been declared "The World's Cutest Baby" by hospital staff at St. James Community Hospital in Butte.

World's cutest baby Chance Wolters, shown here staring intently at something above and a little to the right of the photographer

"I still just can't believe it," Cindy Wolters, mother of the newly recognized pinnacle of neonatal attractiveness, explained. " It's such an honor. And what a responsibility. I think that we owe it to Chance to make use of his gift, to let him serve as a beacon of hope for all mankind."

Chance has yet to show any signs of interest in his own physical appearance. This may be because of an uncanny maturity for a neonate, or because he is instead focusing on the descent of his left testicle. Nurse Roshandra Lewis, on the other hand, has raised serious concerns about the authenticity of his title. "It's sad how she keeps showing everybody the certificate and talking about the burden of beauty on such a young child. Does she really not know that we give these to every family at discharge. Somebody should really tell her."