Breaking it Down: How Americans are Treating Their Colds.....

14%- Pentobarbital induced coma for 5-7 days or until able to breathe through nose.   

21%- Home suction device powered by Wartsila-Sulzer RTA96-C turbocharged diesel engine on loan from the US Navy.  

25%- Time travel to point prior to onset of cold, murder past self, take deep satisfying last breath while slowly fading into non-existence.

13%- Human sized hamster ball fitted with medical-grade HEPA filtration for trips outside the house.

15%- Moving family into secret underground bunker every Winter.

12%- Nasal irrigation with Aunt Mabel’s chicken soup (Blue Ribbon winner at the county fair in 1953, the year Maynard’s hog got into the rat poison and up and died).