Scientists Unsure if Lobsters Have a Sense of Irony.....

Cambridge, MA - Lobster is an ingredient well suited to recipes from a variety of cultures and locales, from France's decadent Lobster Humidor to Germany's creamy Lobster and Sauerkraut Casserole, even the delicious lobster sundae popular on roadside diner menus in the American South. Despite its enduring popularity, a debate has been raging behind the scenes at restaurants and research facilities around the world: do lobsters have a sense of irony?

A lobster, shown perhaps at the exact moment of realization that while they were born in water, experienced water as a place of safety, and thrived in an aquatic environment, that meeting their demise in a pot full of it is kind of ironic, isn't it? I'm actually not sure.

Despite recent advances in the study of lobster neurology and crustacean social psychology, the question remains unanswered. Irony is a complicated topic, after all, and far from the easiest concept to master. Even many adult humans have trouble recognizing the juxtaposition of what on the surface appears to be the case and what is expected to be or actually is the case, even when using fully developed frontal lobes, and lobsters don't even have a centralized brain to speak of.

"The question of whether or not they [lobsters] understand irony has probably been on humanity's mind for as long as we've eaten them," Flank Abercrombie, director of Lobster Neuropsychology at the Broad Institute, explained. "They are found all over the world and can live to 50, so the thought that they haven't picked up a thing or two as a species is ridiculous in my opinion. Maybe even ironic? I think."

Do live lobsters really give a knowing shriek when they're dropped into a pot of boiling water, or is that merely the sound of air escaping from within their carapace? Do they squirm because they're in pain, or because they have been made uncomfortable by the conflict, and a growing awareness of the dramatic tension? Perhaps they recognize the situational irony but are frustrated by limitations inherent in their primitive nervous system and struggling to determine if it's an example of cosmic, poetic, or structural irony.

Abercrombie said that these questions have been debated for decades, and that the answer will ultimately be found using science. Although the most commonly held opinion among lobster researchers is that they cannot grasp irony, there is a small yet vocal group that thinks those guys are assholes. A 2005 study published in Online Publishing Module 9,982 - Crustacean Culture & Society found that crabs avoided living in areas near comedian Dane Cook, suggesting that they can, in fact, recognize terrible jokes. Brecky Grimgravy, one of the study's authors and more of a Louis C.K. fan before the whole masturbating into a potted plant thing, told Knudsen's News London at the time: "I can't really say what goes on in a crab's mind...But what I can say is that this kind of behavior goes beyond a basic reflex response and I think it's pretty clear that they know a hack that can't write his own material when they hear one."

Marine biologist and part-time culture critic for RockLobster.com Jeep Sheldrake disagrees with the conclusion that crabs, shrimp, crawfish, or even lobsters are reacting to the specific content of a stand-up comedian's set. "This could have been a simple avoidance reaction based on other factors, like Dane Cook's annoying voice or his unsettling face. And that's the real problem here. There is just no way to tell. And if that isn't true irony, then maybe I don't even really know what that word actually means."

Sheldrake does not believe that lobsters understand irony, pointing out the absence of neural pathways associated with literary criticism in mammals. "Lobsters have a primitive nervous system that is closely related to what you might find in an insect, and when is the last time you saw a grasshopper brought to tears of sadness and anger by the tragic irony found in the final scene of Romeo and Juliet? It's ironic even imagining a sad grasshopper. Right?"

Biological anthropologist Tank McBeefington, a retired professor at the College of William & Harry in East West Hampfordshire, is a firm believe in a lobster's ability to pick up on the irony in art and in life. "I'm not an expert on crustaceans or even a biologist at all, and I don't know a lobster from a giant crayfish. Also, what the hell is a scallop? But I think that the totality of the available evidence suggests that lobsters do get irony, at least as well as many humans do. But until it can be conclusively proven, we should give them the benefit of the doubt and avoid ending up like that Alanis Morissette song. You know, the one about giving Dave Coulier a blowjob."