Republican Lawmakers to Install High-Frequency "Mosquito Alarm" to Prevent Loitering Youth in Congress.....

Washington, D.C.- House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy announced today that Republican lawmakers plan to place an electronic device somewhere in the south wing in order to discourage loitering by unruly young Democrats.

Crotchety III, shown here celebrating his 1918 election victory, remembers when they didn't let brown people even run for Congress let alone win.

"These young people with their scary new ideas," Republican Ebenezer Crotchety III explained from the smoking lounge while sipping from a snifter of brandy. "Harrumph! Hold on, my monocle seems to have fallen into this plate of tapioca pudding."

The device, known as a "Mosquito alarm", will be set to 17.4 kHz and 108 decibels. According to McCarthy, the buzzing noise will be inaudible to Republicans but will be extremely uncomfortable for younger members of the House of Representatives, possibly even causing dizziness, headache, and nausea. "We haven't put it to a vote yet, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be under Ocasio-Cortez's chair."