American Academy of Pediatrics Introduces Guidelines on Intrauterine Screen Time.....

Itasca, IL - The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has published a policy statement on the risks and benefits of intrauterine screen time with recommendations on daily limits.

A pregnant woman, shown here agonizing over the decision to allow her unborn child to watch an episode of The Big Bang Theory as recommended by the League of Evil Pediatricians

"This is a complicated issue and expectant parents have been asking for clear and concise recommendations from non-evil pediatric medical experts that they can trust," AAP President Lee Beers, MD explained. "These recommendations might not please everyone, but they are the result of a fair assessment of the available science."

Consistent with previous recommendations on screen time for children that have been born already, the AAP is calling for no screen time at all for a developing fetus at any gestational age, even when the pregnancy has extended beyond the expected due date. According to Mort Fishman, Chairperson of the AAP Section on Media and the Unborn Child, one possible exception is video chatting. "It can be a meaningful experience with significant psychosocial benefit that could increase maternofetal bonding. I mean, if there is even a chance that it improves breastfeeding it's worth it, right?"

Not all experts agree with the AAP stance, with some using complicated words like exorbitant and draconian, which I'm pretty sure they made up. Baroness Helga von Kuddelmuddel MD, a member of the League of Evil Pediatricians, calls the research backing up the AAP guidelines correlational, cross-sectional, or based only on self-report. "Fishman and the AAP are using studies that lump all forms of screen time together into once category, and I will destroy them!"

Both the AAP and the League of Evil Pediatricians agree that it is challenging to isolate the effects of screens from other potentially harmful intrauterine variables, like what medications the mother took during pregnancy, what food she ate, or if she had any negative thoughts or emotions at any point. It wouldn't even need to be a particularly bad thought either. von Kuddelmuddel explained that a randomized controlled trial in which fetuses were exposed to varying amounts of screen time, and then followed for years after delivery to assess health outcomes, would be expensive and likely unethical. "Mostly it's the cost though. Ethics aren't exactly a priority with the League of Evil Pediatricians."