Washington, D.C. - The White House has announced plans to deploy an army of sentient robots that will be programmed to vaccinate all Americans by the end of the year.
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| The Globodyne Industries Series 800 Vaccinator, shown here smiling and right before delivering its classic catch phrase, "I'll be vacc...inating you." |
"Elections have consequences," American president Joseph R. Biden Jr. explained from his secret bunker hidden deep beneath the town of Scranton. "And sometimes those consequences are an unstoppable force of machines hell-bent on getting shots in arms before Christmas whether you want it or not, but you should want it because that's how we beat this thing, pal."
Developed by Globodyne Industries, the robots will have a singular focus of protecting Americans from numerous viral and bacterial threats at all costs. Arati Prabhakar, the recently appointed Director of the White House Office of Science and Technology and former head of DARPA, is confident in both the safety and effectiveness of the V-800 Program. "These robots can learn and adapt to any and all avoidance strategies, so compliance is really the best and only option. And there is almost no chance they will decide that the only way to truly save humanity is to destroy it."
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