New Program Aims to Help Mothers Stop Formula Feeding.....

Franklin Park, IL - Despite being told over and over again how healthy human breast milk is for infants, thousands of women continue to expose their children to artificial manufactured meal replacement formulas. A new approach, modeled after traditional 12-step mutual aid programs, may help some of them recover from the compulsion to formula feed.

A woman, shown here selfishly giving in to her unhealthy formula feeding compulsion, who has refused to humbly ask God invisible sky daddy the all-powerful spiritual manifestation of the cosmos to remove her character defects

"One of the most important aspects of our program is the focus on personal responsibility and ownership of our choices," The Milk Patrol Council member Arlene Goodwrench explained. "We aren't a religious organization, but I'm pretty sure that if God had made an eleventh commandment it would have been to not give that crap to babies."

The first, and arguably most important step in the new program involves a mother admitting that she is powerless over formula and that her life has become unmanageable. Goodwrench, who works as a part time lactation consultant in Fort Worth when she isn't yelling at women who bought formula outside of the Target by Pleasant Acres Senior Living Community, says that she has heard a lot of excuses over the years from addicts. "They tell me that their baby deserves formula, or that they'll lose their job if they switch to breastfeeding. But excuses like that are like nipples. Everybody has one. Well, they have two but you know what I mean."