Phizer Announces New Anti-Aging Drug.....

New York - American multinational pharmaceutical and biotechnology corporation Phizer has announced a breakthrough in anti-aging medicine which they expect to be available by the end of the summer.

Does Anthony Fauci take Extendor to live longer and stronger? We'll never tell. But yes, he totally does! And that's why he's America's favorite...I want to say, accountant?

"This is a once-in-a-generation advance in the treatment of human aging," Phizer CEO Albert Bourla explained "Patients taking xifendactimumorb have been found to age more slowly than the typical rate experienced by people who aren't appropriate candidates for the treatment."

Xifendactimumorb, which will be marketed as Extendor, is a pill that must be taken weekly and after completing a five kilometer run at a 9-minute mile pace or faster. Mort Fishman, a retired physician and vice president of Pfizer's Division of Immortality and Erectile Dysfunction, says that the science supports the hype. "I saw the results first hand. Many of these subjects felt significantly less old compared to similarly aged subjects who couldn't tolerate or afford the treatment."