Chicago, IL - The Kraft Heinz Company, America's third largest food company with nearly $30 billion in global annual sales, has announced that it will begin production of a new line of their popular Lunchables snacks and meals designed specifically for gay children.
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| Gay 5-year-old Lance Stanford, shown here excited about an upcoming trip to Provincetown to see his favorite drag queen doing Ms. Appleberry from CoComelon, is totally the Samantha of his playgroup |
"Our Brunchables meals are going to be effortlessly stylish, carb focused, and designed to feed at least twenty of those sassy little guys around a big table," Kraft Heinz CEO Miquel Patricio explained. "And did I mention the mocktails? Those kids are going to love the mocktails!"
Not everyone is excited about the launch of the new line of packaged meals for children, however. Some experts, like conservative childhood developmental psychologist Bob O'Callahan, are worried that impressionable young children will be tricked into making a lifestyle choice that they aren't mature enough to understand. "As I wrote in my book, 7 Ways to Raise Children who Love America, Hate Big Government, Fit into Rigid Social Norms, and Love America, parents should have the ultimate authority over whether or not their child is exposed to what is essentially just culinary grooming."
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