Washington, D.C. - In a shocking move from the Republican led House Oversight Committee, Chairman James Comer has announced the subpoena of Santa Claus, including a demand for access to his infamous Naughty List, significantly expanding the investigation into Biden Family business dealings.
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| Santa Claus, shown here receiving a subpoena from the Oversight Committee, is believed to have donated to the Hillary Clinton campaign in 2016 |
"The American public deserves to know what President Biden has been up to," Comer explained during a press conference held earlier today. "Mr. Claus, with his ability to know when anyone on Earth has done something naughty, will serve as an invaluable witness in this investigation. Is Hunter on that list? What about the president?"
Having pledged to uncover any domestic or international business dealings that might have compromised United States security or President Biden's ability to lead with impartiality, Comer and the House Oversight Committee are chasing down all possible leads. "We are following the money trail and answering questions that all Americans should be asking, and we will leave no stone unturned regardless of what lies festering beneath. Even if Donald Trump himself is on that list, we will...I'm sorry, I can't keep a straight face. No, we don't care about that."
Not all Republicans are supporting the move to subpoena Santa and his Naughty List. Matt Gaetz, representative for Florida's 1st congressional district since 2017, is raising concerns of possible tampering. "Santa has a well known liberal bias and frankly I don't trust anyone that jolly. How can we know if that list doesn't include the names of perfectly fine people that he just disagrees with politically, people who have never done any illegal sex stuff with a minor."
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