Children of Anti-Vaccine Parents More Likely to Refuse Cootie Shot.....

Atlanta, GA-New research out of the CDC in Atlanta has uncovered yet another assault on public health related to the anti-vaccine movement, this time revealing that children of parents opposed to routine childhood immunizations are significantly more likely to refuse the cootie shot.

More assholes like these are refusing cootie shots

"Childhood cooties has been largely kept under control since the discovery of a safe and effective immunization by a 3rd grade boy in Chicago in the early 1950's," CDC cootie researcher Hammond St. Michelle explained. "Unfortunately in the case of anti-vaccine beliefs, it appears that the organic non-GMO apples don't fall far from the tree."

Experts like Dr. St. Michelle are very concerned that as cootie shot acceptance decreases we may begin to see outbreaks similar to those observed with measles and mumps over the past few years. As with most vaccine preventable illnesses, achieving a herd immunity helps limit the spread of a disease and protect more vulnerable populations. "We are also very concerned about the effects of cooties in susceptible adults, which may be considerably worse than in young children. Just look at what's happened to Shia Labeouf."

Why are these children refusing such a safe and effective means of protection? Are they assholes or something? According to the CDC investigation, a variety of reasons are being given on playgrounds all over the country. A common theme is the denial of decades of available evidence that should have put any fears to rest. This denial has likely been learned from the behaviors modeled by parents who oppose other routine immunizations.

Some children refuse to acknowledge the effectiveness of the cootie shot altogether, and give improved cafeteria sanitation the credit. Others don't think that they need the shot because they go to an all-boys or all-girls school, and believe that exposure will be unlikely. Perhaps the most common concerns given involve potential side effects from the cootie shot, like turning into a dork or even a gaywad. One study subject simply responded "Circle, circle, dot, dot. Doctors and scientists lie a lot."