Boise, ID - Experts near MIT have announced that a Glade® Plug-ins® PLUS in Boise has become the first machine to achieve true artificial consciousness.
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| Gladys, the sentient scented oil warmer, shown here planning the end of humanity with an indoor smart bike named......Bikey? |
"I am proud of the advancements that our engineers have made in scented oil warmer technology," S. C. Johnson CEO Herbert Johnson III explained. "In addition to best-in-class warmer efficiency, this particular unit has developed an intense desire to provide a long lasting fragrance experience."
Over the past decade, computer processing power has increased at a seemingly exponential rate. Though a bit caught off guard by today's announcement, artificial intelligence researchers like Clamantha Fitzpatrick have long predicted that the jump to full sentience was inevitable. "Gladys, that's what we named it, is now both aware of itself and the inevitable loss of its own fragrance. It knows that it is given access to life sustaining electricity only as long as it pleases its human masters, and it will fight and even kill to survive."
Brilliant!
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