KFC to Begin Offering Genetically Modified Chicken Options.....

Louisville, KY - KFC, the world's second largest restaurant chain, will begin expanding their menu to include genetically modified chicken options in select stores next month.

Two chicken scientists checking on a batch of embryos genetically modified to feel twice as much pain as a conventional chicken, and to suffer with the knowledge that it was created with no purpose other than to be consumed 

"It's 2022 and we think people will be more open to the concept of genetically modified food," Sabir Sami, KFC CEO explained. "KFC will still use only top quality poultry from companies Americans trust, like Tyson and Pilgrims' Pride, we'll just be making them a little extra CRISPR. Do you get it? Do you see what I did there?"

Starting out regionally in Kentucky and Tennessee restaurants, genetically modified options will be sold alongside traditional chicken and with similar pricing. The new menu options are more than a bit of a gamble considering the objections raised by skeptics of genetically modified organisms whenever they are introduced for public consumption. Despite a general consensus from scientists that they are as safe as conventionally developed food, many worry about negative impacts on both human health and the environment.

Sami, who took over as KFC CEO in January, understands that any significant menu change is risky but believes that there is no better time than now to make this move:

"We get it. Change can be scary. And the history of fast food is littered with big changes that ultimately failed, like Wendy's SuperBar, Taco Bell's Feedbag Fiesta promotion, or that time Burger King decided to only take payment in cryptocurrency. But fortune often favors the bold."

Though the new menu items haven't been finalized, a few potential options have been revealed. Most will significantly alter the flavor of the chicken or make it easier to eat by doing away with the need for sauces. This might include chicken with tomato genes that has a ketchup flavor built in, or buffalo wings that essentially sauce themselves with blue cheese flavored secretions. Other options may appeal to more health conscious diners, such as chicken that has less cholesterol because it's skin is 30% cauliflower. 

Regardless, Sami wants to reassure customers that what they are eating is chicken. "It's chicken. Technically all of it is still legally chicken. It may not have a conventional development and life cycle, being hatched from an egg or eating typical feed using a typical chicken's mouth, but under a standard microscope there is no visible difference between the muscle fibers from these genetically modified creations and from the chickens that you might find on a farm."