Zombies Eat More Than 10% of Your Brain, New Research Finds.....

Baton Rouge, LA - Scientists working out of the Zombie Division of Louisiana State University's Department of Neuroscience held a press conference today to announce the results of a year-long study of zombie behavior, some of which appear to refute a widely held belief that zombies only eat 10% of your brain.

Recently turned zombie Senator Mitch McConnell, shown here disappointed by the lack of delicious brains at a recent Republican press conference 

"These results may come as a shock to the millions of humans who believe that reanimated individuals only eat 10% of their victims' brains," lead researcher and lumbering type zombie Greg Stinson explained while chained to a podium at the event. "This exhaustive examination reveals that we actually eat most of your life-sustaining human cerebral tissue. It's true that some parts may be more delicious than others at a given time, but given the opportunity we would eat the whole damn thing. Now if there are any volunteers, I would be happy to demonstrate. I kid, I kid."

Dr. Mort Fishman, a fast-running zombie neurologist practicing in the area, has questioned the 10% myth for years. He revealed from a containment pod in the Department of Neuroscience's underground facility that the new study is a nice confirmation of his skeptical stance, but predicted that it is unlikely to change many of the superstitious beliefs about zombies that are so prevalent among humans and walkers alike:

"It doesn't help that post-deceased cranks and charlatans will likely continue to push zombie self-help books and mental exercises with unproven pseudoscientific claims that sound impressive to the gullible and uneducated undead out there. I've learned over my many years as a zombie neurologist that anecdotes are unfortunately often more persuasive than any scientific study. Also I've learned that brains are delicious and that I would very much like to eat all of your brains.

Not all of the study's findings are as straightforward, however. Dr. Stinson and his colleagues at LSU noticed an odd trend that has become the focus of their next research effort. "Zombies like me have an insatiable appetite for brains. This is an undeniable fact. But I look at a chiropractor or a Republican and...nothing. Just nothing."