Miami, FL - Paleontologists with the Miami Police Department have proposed a shocking theory that may finally answer one of nature's oldest mysteries.
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| A dinosaur, shown here prior to overdosing on inhaled space fentanyl, likely only experienced 4 of the 6 stages of grief before going extinct according to paleopsychologists |
"Something happened that caused the sudden mass extinction of three out of every four animal species on this planet," police narcopaleontolgist David Caldicott explained. "And not just regular animals either. Even those really big ones with all the scary teeth. But fentanyl doesn't care how tough you are."
The Cretaceous-Paleogene extinction event has long been blamed on the impact of a massive asteroid roughly 12 kilometers wide, which is equivalent to taking 12 one kilometer asteroids and placing them end to end according to Caldicott. "Something that size is easier to wrap your head around if you break it into more manageable pieces. We learned that on day one of police paleontology school. But I don't buy it. We think it was fentanyl." Caldicott went on to add that Narcan wouldn't be invented for roughly 66 consecutive periods of one million years after the demise of the dinosaurs, but the science is still unclear on whether or not that would have been enough to prevent their extinction.
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