Elon Musk Solves Self-Driving Car Problem.....

Austin, TX - Elon Musk, the enigmatic business purchaser and social media user has revealed a breakthrough that may finally make the self-driving car safer than those operated by humans.

Elon Musk, shown here all like, "Whatevs. No big deal. Just saving lives over here." after telling Tesla engineers to make something work with octopuses 

"I had the idea while watching a documentary on the evolution of the human eye," Musk explained. "We have evolved with neural wiring and vasculature that blocks light as it makes its way to photosensitive receptors in the retina, causing a blind spot. If one of my engineers came up with that design, I would fire them...in an email to the entire company...for not being hardcore enough."

Scientists have long known that the human eye, the same eye we use when driving, is flawed. But it took the mind of Musk to do what others could not: innovate a solution to one of the biggest problems facing mankind today. "The octopus has a lens and a retina similar to ours, but their neural wiring and blood vessels are tucked away behind the light receptors. By looking to the natural world, I figured out how to make Tesla driver-assistance safer in a way that could likely bring our self-driving capabilities up to a hard 6 but at the very least a soft 5."

A level 5 autonomous vehicle would not require any human attention in order to operate safely. In fact, steering wheels, pedals, and even windows and windshields would be unnecessary features. These cars would have the ability to go anywhere and do anything that a qualified human driver could do, which is pretty cool I guess, but they would have difficulty in certain scenarios.

Level 6 vehicle autonomy has been considered an impossible dream by many experts in the field, experts who don't wake up every day with Elon Musk's singular genius. A self-driving car that achieves level 6 capability would be able to perform well beyond the qualified human driver. For example, it could drive backwards as fast as driving forwards, smoothly drive the wrong way down a busy one way street, and even jump a half-raised drawbridge, all of which would be invaluable during a high-speed chase or a kindergarten drop-off.

Smart reader Neil deGrasse Tyson, shown here not sexually assaulting an assistant, doesn't need his hand held to figure stuff out. Do you?

Simpleminded readers might be wondering what do octopus eyes have to do with driving a car. They are probably drooling too. Smart people don't need to be spoon fed obvious information. Smart people like you, right?