Genetically Modified Baked Goods Contain 30% More Love.....

Belvidere, NE - According to food scientists from the University of Nebraska-Lincoln Agricultural Research Division, a recent breakthrough in the science of genetic modification of plants has led to the development of foods, particularly baked goods, with considerably higher amounts of love.

Belvidere's Myrna Miller, shown here baking with her grandson Mervis, who was born with a cabbage head because her daughter-in-law prefers Sara Lee to her homemade apple pie

"Everyone knows that the best meals are prepared with a little love," Derek McLean, Dean and Director of the Agriculture Research Division, explained. "With the use of advanced technology by some of the world's leading scientific minds in this field, we may soon live in a world where all of our favorite recipes, from apple pie to rhubarb cobbler, peach fritters to blueberry buckle, and even chocolate potato pie, will contain amounts of love previously believed to be impossible and without needing to be made at home by your mother or grandmother."

Not everyone believes that the introduction of genetically modified crops into the food supply, even when they result in an increase in the amount of love in a baked good, is a good idea. Myrna Miller, whose peach cobbler has won first prize at the Belvidere Country Craft and Flea Market bake-off an unprecedented 54 years in a row, has begun a letter writing campaign in the hopes of putting an end to the project. "It isn't right messin' with nature like that. You just can't go foolin' with the natural order of things without brewin' up a mighty mess o' trouble. Trouble like increased rates of cancer and other degenerative ailments, the breeding of superviruses with human-like intelligence, and more and more children being born with cabbage heads!"

Even some experts, like culinologist Gilbert Gaudet, are questioning the need for focusing limited research dollars on increasing the percentage of love in food. According to a study performed at his science lab near Harvard, subjects can't even determine when there is any love in a meal when blinded. "Eating is a highly complex activity and it is impossible to separate the environment surrounding the meal from the chemical components of the food being ingested. You can stuff an apricot clafoutis with as much love as you want, but you won't like it very much if you think it was baked by Jeffrey Epstein."