American Urgent Care Clinics Forced to Rethink Treatment Strategies After McDonald's Does Away with Antibiotics in Chicken Nuggets.....

New Orleans, LA- The world's largest fast food chain will be restricting the use of antibiotics in the production of chicken destined to become McNuggets, leaving many physicians forced to come up with new ways to encourage adherence to treatment recommendations in pediatric patients.

Will McDonald's decision to remove antibiotics from their chicken products worsen outcomes in serious pediatric bacterial infections? I don't know...maybe? 

"Many of the antibiotics used to help increase chicken yields are also important in the treatment of human disease," Mort Fishman MD, a physician at Laissez les Bon Temps Rouler Urgent Care and Drive Through Liquor Store in New Orleans, explained. "The Chicken McNugget has been one of our go to means of getting young children to achieve adequate serum antibiotic levels for years. Now what?"

Children are notoriously difficult patients when it comes to taking medications like antibiotics, especially toddlers who are often assholes. 1, 2, 3 Although not FDA approved for use as a medication, historically pediatric urgent care centers have dosed them much like they would a pill or capsule. For ear infections, usually a standard 4-piece order is effective. According to Fishman, more serious infections require larger orders. "For bone and joint infections, and the occasional meningitis, I tell parents that if their kid isn't better after 40 nuggets they should probably notify the funeral home. That's the art of medicine."

Thankfully the pharmaceutical industry is already working on a solution to the problem, so hopefully nervous parents of children with viral upper respiratory infections or orbital cellulitis won't need to live in a society where they won't have access to life-saving and delicious medical therapies. Pfizer, helmed by CEO Ian Reed, has already brought Zithromax Flavor Blast™ liquid water enhancer to the market. 4 But more plans are in the works. "We are shifting our focus away from the meat industry," Reed revealed. "There is too much stigma at this point. But vegetable based products are a largely untapped source of potential drug delivery systems. I mean, what kid doesn't love ketchup?"