Portland, ME- When Portland 2-year-old Tackle Lewinsky stumbles down the long cement path towards his neighborhood playground, the other families know its time to pack up and leave. Tackle, who loves dinosaurs and digging, is an asshole. A complete and total asshole.
"He seemed like such a sweet baby at first," Tackle's mother Lurleen Lewinsky explained. "But now I just look at him and wonder what I did wrong. He could just be sitting there watching the Disney Channel and still be such a complete asshole."
Some experts, like Harvard pediatrician Marsha Collins, are raising serious concerns about labeling such a young child with such a derogatory term. "A child this age is still developing his personality as he looks to those around him for social cues on how to behave. His brain is changing rapidly as new connections are being forged between neurons. Being labeled like this may negatively influence his...wait, Tackle. Yeah that kid is an asshole."
And Tackle, who is potty trained for the most part but still occassionally has accidents at nightime, is just one of a growing population of asshole toddlers who think that we should just stop whatever we're doing and pay attention to them. That's great, you found a shiny rock. Oh, you pointed at a train and said choo choo. Real damn cute. Assholes.