New Book of the Bible to be Published
Vatican City-In response to sagging book sales, and the loss of a number of
readers to the enormously successful Harry Potter series and popular television
programs such as Heroes and Are You Smarter than a 5th
Grader?, religious authorities have hired a ghostwriter to pen a new
installment to the Gospels of the Bible, the best selling literary work of all
time.
"One of the most unsatisfying aspects of the Bible is the poor development of the character known as Jesus," ghostwriter Frank
Sarpong explained. "He's got a mysterious past, exciting superpowers, and the
kind of tormented angst that today's 18-35 crowd can relate to, but just when
things are getting going, bam he's dead, buried, and ascended."
In
addition to providing some new details regarding the events that took place
during his 30 years as a carpenter, a time largely left shrouded in mystery in
other books of the Bible, the new books will focus on the origin of Jesus's
supernatural abilities such as altering the density of his body, changing the
chemical make-up of fluids, and creating matter. Sarpong is looking to give
Jesus a modern take. "The whole God did it reason isn't flying with today's more
savvy readers anymore. I haven't decided whether to go with genetic mutation or
alien technology yet, but either way he's going to be fighting crime, and
possibly dinosaurs."
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
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