Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Traditional Chinese Medical Scientists Baffled by Man Born Without Meridians.....

Natick, MA- Traditional Chinese medical scientists flown in by the United States Government remain baffled by the recent discovery of Rab Garrett, a resident of Natick apparently born without meridians.

"This is unexplored territory and we don't exactly know what to make of this finding," explained Dr. Chulong Xue, head of qi dynamics for the United States Task Force on Traditional Chinese Medicine, which is headquartered in San Francisco. "But you may be certain that we will employ the full force of our scientific might in deciphering this mystery. For this man may be the key to our salvation, or a sign of our impending doom."

Xue and his team of researchers, which consists of some of the brightest minds in traditional Chinese medicine, have already come up with an intriguing hypothesis. After spending several hours examining Garrett's tongue and pulses for clues, they have gone so far as to request that he be placed in quarantine and kept under strict surveillance at all times. "He lacks the normal conduits for qi, or life energy, to flow, yet still maintains form and function. This can only mean one thing. Mr. Garrett is a Chinese hopping vampire, or jiangshi, and if allowed the chance he would absorb the qi of every last creature on Earth."


Anonymous said...

Cripes, why don't they just kill it before it escapes?

Zoo Knudsen said...

I just impartially report the facts. And the fact is that freak should be incinerated. It just isn't natural.