Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Cure for Obesity and Depression Found.....

Seattle, WA-In an emergency press conference held today in the banquet facilities of a Seattle Red Lobster, researchers from Wellness Consortium Group, a nonprofit health care system that provides both medical coverage and care, that have been investigating the possible link between obesity and depression in middle-aged women, announced a cure for both conditions.

The team of scientists have spent the past 5 years collecting information, from nearly 5,000 middle-aged women, on weight, caloric intake, amount of daily exercise, body image, favorite television programs, astrological signs, and symptoms of depression. After an exhaustive statistical analysis of the information, where multiple methods were employed and then discarded before the researchers were happy with the results, it was concluded that depressed women were significantly more likely to be obese. Suprisingly, the reverse was found to be true as well.

The study, published in the January/February issue of the journal Obesity and Other Mental Disorder Research also revealed that obese women exercised the least, ate more, hated their bodies more, and were more lazy in general than women with lower BMIs.

"Medical science has long known that fat people are unable to control their gluttonous lifestyle," lead researcher Dr. Denis Simon explained. "Now we know that they are also more likely to become depressed, which makes sense considering how likely they are to die alone and unloved."

But Dr. Simon doesn't think that the situation for overweight women is hopeless. "It is difficult for obese women to lose weight because of the depression, which I feel stems from a lack of self-esteem. If obese women would just focus on rebuilding their self esteem, it may help them lose weight, and then they would be happy because more men would notice them."

1 comment:

The Laundress said...

You are wicked. And funny.