Kenmore, WA-Researchers from prestigious Bastyr University held an emergency press conference today to discuss the recent findings of a blue-ribbon panel of experts in the field of homeopathy, findings which have set off shockwaves in the complimentary and alternative medicine community.
One of the most worrisome trends of 2007 was the sudden emergence of bacteria resistant to conventional antibiotic regimens. Panel participant Carl Barkenhammer Jr., a research homeopath who has spent decades studying the curative powers of homeopathic remedies in individuals, decided to change the focus of his efforts from carefully selected single case studies to the laboratory in an effort to prove the benefit of these treatments in patients infected with the most deadly new superbug, methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus or MRSA.
"It's amazing how fast these bugs become resistant," Barkenhammer explained. "I've been a homeopathic scientist for a long time and I had never even heard of staph, let alone MRSA. To think that a brand new infectious microbe like Staph aureus, which can be very deadly from what I've read on eMedicine, is already nearly untreatable with antibiotics. That is pretty scary stuff."
Barkenhammer, who enjoys writing poetry and spends his Summers making extra money cleaning gutters, set out to test a variety of homeopathic preperations on live cultures of MRSA. "I figured that if I was going to do this right, I had to take the human element out of the equation. Clinical studies can be wrought with confounding variables. If one of my treatments works on a person, I have to rule out anything else that may have cured the patient, like acupuncture or prayer, because that might have only led to the impression of a positive result. I'm removing the middle man here. This is cutting edge science."
As Barkenhammer's initial attempts to kill the antibiotic resistant bacteria with homeopathic remedies failed, he was forced to dig deeper and deeper into his armamentarium. But nothing seemed to be working. "I tried everything I could think of, and then I tried everything I could find cited in the homeopathic literature, but nothing worked. I began to grow very concerned, wondering if the bacteria had already become homeopathy resistant."
Barkenhammer, who coaches little league and dreams of one day owning his own car, wondered if bacteria other than the homeopathy-resistant Staph aureus, or HRSA (prounounced "hersa") had also begun to develop resistance. "I began to test my treatments on every bacterial species I could get my hands on and the results were the same every time, leaving me no choice but to conclude that it is possible that all known bacterial pathogens are now resistant to homeopathy. "
But Barkenhammer believes that there is hope for the future. "I haven't given up on homeopathy as a legitimate alternative to antibiotics for the treatment of bacterial infections yet. The most likely cause for the apparent lack of effectiveness is that I failed to take into account the inability of conventional scientific methods to test the complex quantum vibrations that take place when a homeopathic remedy is perfectly matched with an individual patient's symptoms. I guess I will just have to continue to figure out new ways to study homeopathy until their healing power is proven. That's how science works."