Stanford, CA-Researchers at Stanford announced today in an emergency press conference that they have uncovered a suprising new trend in health care, that a significant and growing number of hospital based physicians, many of which are residents in academic training facilities, are practicing medicine from bed.
"We were quite shocked when the numbers came in," lead researcher Major Pickleberry explained. "Until now, it was believed by most researchers that medical doctors provided the bulk of their care of hospitalized patients over their cell phones while taking part in activities ranging from working out at the gym to attending church, or perhaps at the bedside. Our findings completely blow these theories out of the water for this large subset of physicians."
Many doctors are hesitant to admit that they are making medical decisions while under the covers, but not Amanda Babin, a resident in pediatrics at Texas Children's Hospital in Houston. "As a resident, you have to sleep when you can. I can do almost everything from my call room anyway because there is a computer in here. And if it's 2AM, I'm not getting out of bed unless somebody is about to die because almost everything else can wait until the morning when the primary team gets here."
But residents, who have long been known to be lazy and useless, aren't the only doctors enjoying the benefits of bed-based medicine. "I round with my team from bed every morning," Baylor faculty and hospitalist Chris Rudolph revealed. "And not from home or the call room either. I put a futon in the hallway, and the residents just crowd around it. It's a couch, it's a bed, it's an integral part of the high quality patient care we provide here at Baylor! It isn't about sleep, it's about what's best for my patients."