Belvidere, NE- Chiropractic paramedic Frank Grimes refused to stop providing spinal adjustments during the attempted resuscitation of a Belvidere man today, despite his fellow emergency chiropractic technicians having given up on any chance of restarting the elderly man's heart.
"I kept screaming, not today Maynard, not today," Grimes revealed. "I saw my team packing up the Activator and the Pro-ArthroStim, even putting the DRX9000 spinal decompression device back in the truck, but I just couldn't believe it was his time to die."
90-year-old Maynard Wilks, well known in the community both for his uncanny longevity and for his second place finish in the town's yearly pie bake-off each of the past 53 years, was later determined to have died from a subluxation of the second thoracic vertebra despite the application of multiple high-velocity, low-amplitude impulses to the transverse process by Grimes. "That subluxation was probably there for decades. I guess we can't save 'em all."